Way back when I had my little meltdown and wound up on a three day watch at North Shore Medical Hospital, there was a woman who asked one of the staff members, “Will the medication impair the chip that Obama placed in my head?” Not the funniest thing out of that woman’s mouth by a long shot, but I wanted to explain the title of this post so there you go.
Yesterday I was in the parking lot and for no explicable reason, the pusher stopped responding to the remote. It would start up then stop again. Oh, crap, I thought, this is the last thing I need. So after a few tries of stopping and starting, I manually brought the pusher back into the store and brought the one that hasn’t been working all that well of late, due to abuse at the hands of a certain moron who is no longer working with us.
Then that one began stopping and starting and I realized it wasn’t a coincidence. Overhead, I had just become aware of two helicopters circling above the store. Something was going on that I was not aware of, either in the parking lot behind the mall, the Walnut Street Cemetery in Danvers, or along any part of the ass end of Danvers. This was something that required lots of sirens on the ground and what I guess were two search and rescue helicopters, because neither of them looked like the news or police helicopters that I have seen in the past. For the record, Beverly Airport is a short drive from Generimart, which is where most of these choppers are presumably parked.
I called the closing manager, whom I’m going to call Yeast. You’ll see why.
Me: So yeah, these keep stopping and starting. I think it might be radio interference.
Yeast: *Bobbing her head back and forth* Oh. But, that’s never happened before. Is this going to slow you down?
Me: Well, I’m less worried about this slowing me down and more worried that this will stop in front of a bus or something.
Yeast: But I don’t understand how helicopters could be interfering with the remotes.
Me: Because there’s heavy radio interference and these are remote controlled machines? (Seriously, am I the only person in my entire life who has ever read the FCC warning on the back of remote control toys?)
Yeast: Oh, that’s so weird. Why would that happen?
So yeah, explaining this to her was like trying to explain nuclear physics to the strains of bacteria we use to make bread and booze.
Eventually whatever it was stopped happening and the helicopters went away. Someone suggested a fire and there was a vaguely fire scented smell in the air, but I won’t know until I see the news, if I can ever be arsed to look it up. I did get to respond to this question, which did also inspire the title of the post.
A customer on her way into the store saw the helicopters and asked, “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know ma’am,” I replied. “They removed the chip in my head that gives me access to their communications, so I’m as puzzled as you are.”
In other news, a friend of mine may have been terminated. He had his issues, but there was really nothing in his behavior that really prompted a termination. If anything, I too often act as though as I have the lock and file on being the company punching bag. But for a good chunk of time, this poor guy who really did the best he could, was the recipient of a lot of abuse on the sales floor. So if I ever reach a point where I can be as detailed as I like about where I work, I hope you, the managing body of Generimart one day read this.
When you fired him, you fired the only person who is willing to take your shit and doesn’t have the ability to stick up for himself. Confrontations used to bother me too, but now you don’t have a company punching bag. And you’ve already seen what a hassle I can kick up just when one of you steps out of line and as I understand it, you don’t like it when company policy gives me that right. You think you’re immune, but the people on the top have the farthest to fall, so you should really start acting like you’re as vulnerable as the rest of us. Consider this my PSA for SOB’s.
On a slightly less confrontational note, by the end of July, I will no longer be a cart jockey, but a cashier. I got tired of the shit I was putting up with for two years as a cart jockey and I finally played the Asperger’s card when a customer threatened me in the parking lot late one night. I won’t go into details, but store security took the report, and I was able to threaten to get that report subpoenaed so I could show it to my “doctor”, who would site the cart jockey position as being too stressful for my health and therefore write me a note saying that they have to put me on the cash register, as that’s a “light duty” position. Never underestimate the power of a little legal jargon, especially when you have a few big sticks up your sleeve.
I’m going to end this one on a shameless pimping for my brother’s blog. Daryll has been working on several language videos in an attempt to make the world a little less ignorant. Personally, I believe that it will give people even more signs to not read and therefore do stupid things, but I applaud his effort.
Check out his blog at Dare Mick.