We All Fall Down

Every relationship, romantic or platonic, professional or friendly, is a lesson in give and take. Every one and anyone who has been or is currently in a relationship, has felt at one time or another, like they were doing more of the giving than the taking.

Sean Connery, playing the part of King Arthur in First Knight, said, “I take the good with the bad. I can’t love people in slices.” This is the first thing I try to remember whenever I have endured what I feel to be a test in any such relationship.

Just like I expect people to respect my boundaries and realize that there are aspects of my personality that will never change, I need to show them that same courtesy. But what happens when those personality differences are in such conflict that you feel like you are going to scream, or shout, or say or do something that you’re not going to be able to take back?

First: Get yourself out of that situation as soon as possible. Even if you wind up having to walk twenty miles to blow of steam, do it, at least until you get control of your feelings. Because there are some things that a simple “I’m Sorry,” won’t fix.

Second: Ask yourself if what you would expect if the shoe were on the other foot. Remember, you’re not perfect either. You’ve probably said and done things that got right under your partner’s skin and started subletting space.

I would recommend avoiding talking to others while you’re still angry. Because feelings vary from individual to individual based on personal experiences. No one can imagine what’s going on inside your head and their advice may or may not exacerbate the situation. Give yourself time to cool off and carefully articulate your feelings before sharing them with someone else.

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