*Clears Throat*

I wish I could meet whoever it was that first turned throat clearing into a gesture for getting someone’s attention. Because at times like this, when the action is involuntary, I feel a backlog of throat punches coming for the event when I meet the guilty party.

Sometime’s it’s out of concern. Other times, I’m sure it’s about ego. Because inevitably, someone will hear me clearing my throat, which is entirely for the purposes of removing the anthropomorphic mucus that has taken residence in my lungs. Then they will respond with, “are you okay?”

The first thousand times, I have no problem answering politely. After about the billionth is when I’ll start getting snippy.

“Oh, I’m fine. But everyday I dream of living the high life of a Nyquil commercial actor and this is just me rehearsing.”

For those who are not responding out of concern, but out of the genuine belief that I must be attempting to draw their notice, my reply is something along the lines of, “Yes, I just wanted to let you know that I am experiencing symptoms associated with throat clearing. Pass it on.”


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